


Fortunate Son

by PinkPaperStars



Series: Souji/Sugimura [1]
Category: Persona 4, Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Casual Sex, Childhood Trauma, Crossdressing, Emotionally Repressed, Gender Issues, Genderqueer Character, Gratuitous love of Sugimura, M/M, Rough Sex, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:20:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24503020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkPaperStars/pseuds/PinkPaperStars
Summary: Souji is Twenty, and like he has always done, he does whats expected off him. But sometimes he just needs to run away from all those expectations and responsibilities. And sometimes he just wants to be someone else.
Relationships: Souji Seta/Sugimura
Series: Souji/Sugimura [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1770439
Comments: 10
Kudos: 12





	1. Fortunate Son

**Author's Note:**

> You're probably wondering why I chose to write Sugimura/Souji. There are a few reasons. 
> 
> 1\. I had an awesome role partner that got me into the ship.  
> 2\. I really wanted to explore Souji separating himself from other's expectations and responsibilities, figuring out who he was and who he wanted to be.  
> 3\. Sugimura is Trash Babe. 
> 
> Here's some songs for Aesthetic.
> 
> A well respected man - The Kinks  
> Fortunate son - CCR  
> Clarity - Zedd ft foxes  
> To all of you - Syd Matters  
> Alone together - Fallout Boy
> 
> Second Epilogue coming soon. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

Getting ready to go out was a labour of love for Souji. It was effort and work that he craved. It was carving out a space for him to feel good and a time for him to give himself attention he needed. To give himself the care he wanted and desired. 

Clothes took the longest. They always did. It set the look and the feel. It was the first step in shedding the expectations of Seta Souji and just being. It peeled back the layers of a responsible young man that grew up too fast.

It let him peel back the layers of expectations from others, his parents, his family, his friends, and just be. Just exist. As a person that nothing was expected of. It was nice to be able to relax like this once in a while.

Make up was next. And it didn't feel like he was covering up or hiding anything. He was building himself. Foundation. Contour. Blush and highlights. Shaping his eyebrows. Picking his eye shadow. Drawing in eyeliner and curling false lashes. Topping it all off with the perfect colour for his lips. 

It took a lot of practice. Watching tutorials and copying them in the early hours of the mornings when he could sleep. Fighting trying to crawl out of himself and his struggles. Wanting an escape and to be someone else desperately, if only for a little while. Starting with drugstore cosmetics and working his way up to nicer brushes and personal preferences for each piece in his collection. His prized collection that was neatly sorted under the bathroom sink.

it let him be anyone he wanted, to be someone else.

Even if he knew he'd have to be himself again, getting to be not himself even for a night here and there felt good.

Learning to tuck had been an experience. It took him a bit of time, to push his testicles up, to tuck his dick between his legs and to pull the gaffe up to keep everything in place. He'd tried tape, it had sucked. He preferred this. Or to wear loose clothes and not have to worry about it. But he doesn't mind tucking. 

Once he's dressed, in a pair of starred leggings and a loose shirt with a wide boat neck, he picks up the final piece.

The last part of his disguise.

The last piece of his freedom. 

Souji pulls the wig on. The same colour as that first wig he wore in his second year. The first time he felt like someone else but also like himself. When he looked at himself and something jumped in his chest, and his heart hurt from want. But now he doesn't act like he doesn't like it. He just enjoys it. The long silvery hair, the soft curls, the spill of hair over his shoulders and cascading down his back. 

He is ready to be someone else, for a little while.

\--

Souji didn't have plans when he went out. Not dressed like this. With long and flowing hair, a cute outfit and a new colour of lipstick. 

He spent most nights like this alone. Doing whatever seemed interesting. Be it getting a drink, a meal, shopping, or seeing a movie. 

He was carefree and pretty, with no expectations.

And he was used to wandering hands, and being approached. A slap and a cold look was enough to shut men down. As a tall person, he was still intimidating. It didn't always work, but a good shove could usually get someone to back off.

This guy wasn't having it. He wasn't letting Souji brush him off. 

Him and his fancy suit, his brown hair and eyes. He'd put his hand on Souji's back and ask to buy him a drink. Souji slapped his arm away and stepped away. 

The fancy guy followed his, this time his arm wrapping a bit tighter around Souji's waist and something filthy was whispered into his ear. 

The bartender kept a close eye on them as Souji finished his drink. He was sure if it was because he knew Souji, the other man or both. He'd pulled himself out of the others arm, and simply said no thank you. 

He thought it would be the end of it. He had gone to the bathroom, and left the bat shortly after. 

He'd been surprised when the fancy man grabbed him by his arm and pulled him into the alley. He yanked his arm away a few steps into the alley. 

"What do you think you're too good for me?" The other turned on him, clearly he was not use to being told no.

"Maybe I'm just not interested," The other wrinkled his nose at him. 

"Do you know who I am?" 

"I don't care who you are," 

"Listen here you-" He'd taken a few steps towards him and stopped. His eyes scanned over Souji.like he was drinking in every detail. "That's interesting," 

"What is?" 

"You. You're a -"

"Pick your words carefully or I will slap you," Souji warned. His eyes narrow. Pretty as he might be, Souji didn't have a problem slapping someone for being rude. 

"You are very interesting, you know that?" 

"Not particularly," Souji looked at the other flatly. 

“You are,” The other stepped forward a bit. “Spent time with me,” 

“No,” He didn’t want anyone to know him. Not this part of him. This was for him, not for anyone else. He didn’t want to be knowable to this person. This part of him wasn’t for others, and he didn’t want to give that up. 

“Come on. What’s the worst that’ll happen? Think you might like me too much if you do?”

“Not likely,” Souji blinked at the other a few times. He raised an eyebrow at him.

“What do you have to lose?” 

What did he have to lose? His freedom that he worked so hard to create for himself. But at the same time this guy didn’t know who he was. He could just be this part of himself with the other. He could be someone else with this person. 

“Fine. But not tonight. Some other time,” Souji pulled out his phone. The other did as well. 

“What’s your name?”

“Yuko,”

“Just Yuko?” The man asked. 

“Just Yuko,” Souji nodded, giving the other his contact information. He put the other’s name, Sugimura, and number into his phone. The other gave him a charismatic smile. 

“I look forward to getting to know all about you,” The other looked over his body. His eyes lingering on Souji’s hips at legs. 

“I’m not going to sleep with you, so you can knock that off,”

“Sure you won’t,” 

“Don’t be gross, I won’t,”

\-- 

School was interesting.

It wasn’t that Souji didn’t like his university, or his classes, or even his classmates. 

It certainly wasn’t what he would have picked for himself. Not if he could have picked anything he wanted. But his parents had laid out the options of what they deemed appropriate universities, and appropriate career paths. And this was what he chose to pursue. 

He didn’t mind medical school. Being a Doctor was a good choice of all the career paths his parents offered. 

Though his parents and him still had a difference of opinion of what kind of Doctor he should be. 

He knew he would relent and pursue a field that his family preferred for him. 

His classmates were nice enough. Most of them. There were some who did not seem to want to make friends, while others were quite social. Souji did what he always did. He made himself friendly and agreeable. He helped classmates to study and lent out his perfectly colour coded notes. 

He was kind and well mannered. He was the son his parents raised him to be. 

And if he was honest, he did like it. To be liked and respected by his classmates. To feel like he was a reliable person, a dependable person. He liked the challenge of studies and the materials were interesting as well. 

There was a lot of good he could do as a Doctor. And that was important to him. 

Even if it wasn’t what he would have picked for himself.

\--

He’d asked Sugimura not to dress like a complete tool tonight. Yet he still managed to look like one in his designer jeans, tee-shirt, and expensive watch. And yet despite it, he still looked good. 

It was annoying. 

The club was dark, but full of flashing lights and dancing people. It was the perfect place for him to just enjoy himself and get lost in the music. And even with the chestnut haired man, he found a good place to dance and enjoy the night. It wasn’t the first time they went dancing, and he liked dancing with the other. He didn’t have to listen to Sugimura talk and he was fun to dance with. 

Sugimura was handsy. But he knew when he was pushing a line. And knew when Souji smacked his hands away to cut out whatever he was doing. 

Souji had his long and curly wig on. He wore a pair of shorts, a loose tee-shirt, and a pair of runners. He felt good. The pair had had a few drinks before taking to the dance floor. Souji hadn’t danced with someone before Sugimura. Worried that if he did, someone would figure out he wasn’t a pretty girl. At least not in their eyes. 

But Sugimura already knew. 

And didn’t seem to care. The other wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled him close. He rocked his hips with him. He ran his fingers through his hair. He didn’t treat him like a guy dressed like a woman. 

He just treated him like Yuko. 

And Yuko liked to dance. Liked having someone’s arm wrapped around him. Liked to laugh loudly and lose themself in the music. The bass vibrating in the room, the bodies moving around them, and the lightly flashing above them. 

And Sugimura laughed. He pulled Souji close, and looked at him with his intense brown eyes. Like he was both enjoying the moment, the feeling of his hands sliding up the back of the other’s shirt and the feeling of Souji’s arms wrapped around his shoulders. But he was also looking, searching, trying to figure out who Souji was. Not who he was outside of his wig, but who his friend was. What they wanted and desired. 

Souji was unknowable like this. But he was faltered that the other was curious to peel back the layers. 

After a quick break from dancing, Souji went to the bathroom. It took a while, not to get his bottoms and gaffe off, but to get them back on and back in place without a mirror. He was tipsy, on alcohol and fun. 

He’d stepped out of the bathroom and found Sugimura waiting for him. He had not been expecting it, he never really expected it. Truly he thought that the attractive man would ditch him to chase after a girl that would sleep with him. 

But he seemed more content to enjoy Souji’s presence everytime they hung out. 

It certainly confused him. 

Sugimura took his hand and pulled him into a dark corner. 

“I’m not going to sleep with you,” 

“I know,” But he pushed him against the wall nonetheless. Trapping him between the wall and his arms. 

Sugimura was a few centimeters taller than him. It was something that Souji liked, it wasn’t often he met people taller than him. 

The other pressed their bodies together and kissed him. It wasn’t the first time they had kissed in the corner of a club. A hand slid up the back of Souji’s shirt, and another grabbed onto Souji’s bare thigh as he tried to hook it over the other’s hip. 

Sugimura kissed him like he was drowning, and trying to get air. Passionately, fearlessly, with a desire and want Souji had only felt about wanting freedom. Souji didn’t understand it, being wanted like this. Not when the other could likely have someone else easier. 

But Souji draped his arms over the other’s shoulders and grabbed at the back of his shirt. 

Maybe, Yuko was the part of him allowed to make bad choices and mistakes. 

\-- 

Souji had always been a good kid. From the day he was born.

His parents were good parents. But they were busy. It meant that he had to be a good child, because they didn't have time for temper tantrums or stubborn resistance. Acting out had never got him attention, it got him a hard look and being sent to bed. Since he was being unreasonable. 

But when he was quiet and good, he got to go with his mom or dad places. He learned young that tears were a nuisance and he had to hold them in. 

Be good. Be quiet. Be mature.

It was a mantra Souji knew before he entered school. He had to be a good child, a quiet child, a mature child. Because his parents were busy with work, and didn't have time for him not to be. 

The last time he fought with his parents he was sixteen. He didn't want to move to America, he wanted to stay at his school for more than two terms. He didn't want to repeat a year when they came back to Japan.

"I don't have time for you right now Souji," 

His mother's words burned. He knew she meant she didn't have time for them fighting, but her words rang more true. 

They never had time for him. So he had to be good, quiet, and mature. He just had to listen.

He sometimes wondered if they had actually wanted a child, or if they just had one because they were expected to.

The fight was how he ended up in Inaba for a year. A whole year he got to live in one place, and go to one school. A year to himself.

Or it was supposed to be. But it was a year he got wrapped up in a murder and kidnapping investigation. A year he made friends, his closest friends. A year of love and laughter, of heartbreaks and hardships. He loved it fiercely, even if he still had to be good and steady Souji. To help and hold up his friends through their trials. He was steadfast and reliable while they faced themselves, and learned to grow.

He didn't resent them. He loved them. Watching them grow and change. Discover themselves and accept themselves. It was a joy to watch them do so.

But it pained him he didn't get to also learn and grow. He expanded his heart yes, and let people in. But he didn’t get a chance to discover himself. He missed that chance in high school, trying to help support his friends. 

His last year of highschool was spent focusing on his grades and preparing for entrance exams. Back home in Tokyo, his parents had laid out their expectations for his future. Laying out what they felt were appropriate careers and schools. 

And just like that, he was back to being the good, quiet, and mature son. The responsible boy. 

He studied hard, he kept his head down. He didn’t have to change school’s in the middle of the year. He got good grades, and got into a good medical university. He started his studies. 

It was how he found himself drowning in expectations of him. Being twenty and unsure of what he wanted for himself. 

Besides the freedom to find and figure out who he was. 

\-- 

“Why don’t you ever wear heels?” Sugimura asked as they sat in the fast food restaurant, watching Souji pick at his fries. 

The other was wearing a tee-shirt and a pair of designer jeans. And the gaudy watch. Always the gaudy watch. Souji was wearing a loose tunic, black leggings, and a pair of cute flats. His wig had a loose braid tonight. He didn’t foresee dancing tonight. He had not been in the mood, but he did want to go out and escape for a bit. He had called Sugimura because why not have some company. His feet were in the other’s lap. 

“What?”

“Heels. Make your legs look good, make your ass look great. Why don’t you wear them?”

“Because I’m a hundred and eighty centimetres,” He blinked at the other. 

“And?”

“And they’d make me too tall of a woman,” 

“For who?” And Souji didn’t really have a good answer for that. He didn’t have any friends like this. He wasn’t looking for any friends. He wanted to not be tied to anyone or anything. Instead of answering, he threw one of his fries at the other. 

Sugimura just picked it up and ate it. 

They had been hanging out together for a few months. They went dancing, or out to eat. Sometimes they went shopping or to see a movie. They did mundane things, they did exciting things. Sometimes Sugimura was full of questions, and sometimes he didn’t care about anything. 

“Is it a sex thing?” 

“No,” Souji picked up his cup and took a sip. “And remember I can kick you in your junk like this,”

“So why?” Sugimura looked at him. Brown eyes studying Souji’s face. The long lashes, the pink lipstick, and the way pieces of his wig framed his face. 

“It’s hard to explain,” He watched as Sugimura picked at his own fries. Even eating fries in a fastfood place he looked like a ridiculous rich guy. Maybe even more so. 

“Try me,” 

“Have you ever wanted to not be you? Or to be someone else?” Souji asked. 

“No. I mean I’m pretty great,” 

“Then you wouldn’t understand,” Souji shrugged his shoulders, before unwrapping his burger. 

“Why not just be a different version of you then?” 

“I am being a different version of myself,” Souji shrugged a bit, taking a bite out of his burger. If it was someone else, Souji probably would have shut down the questioning. But he felt comfortable with Sugimura asking him questions. Even if he was crass and nosy about it. 

“If you did have heels, what would be your ideal pair?” 

Sugimura had a knack for just accepting Souji’s answers at face value. He wasn’t sure if it was being the other was just shallow or accepting. 

Souji found he didn’t really care. 

\-- 

“Is it working?” Dojima’s gruff voice came through the speakers of his laptop. It brought a smile to his face. Nanako and Dojima were his comfort and family. They were a warm home, and a breath of fresh air for him. 

“Yeah Dad, here,” Nanako pushed into the video on the screen. Dojima had a look of concentration on his face, staring at the screen. Nanako had a smile on her face. 

He missed them so fiercely. 

“Oh there you are,” Dojima’s hard face smiled. 

“Hey, how are you two?” Souji smiled softly, as Nanako and Dojima waved at him through the screen. Souji had sent them one of his old laptops, Nanako wanted one for help with school, and Souji had got a new one as a reward for getting into his program. 

“Doing good. Things have been quiet at the station,” Dojima chuckled. 

“Good! I like middle school! But it’s harder. Especially math,” Nanako smiled. 

“You’ll get it, just keep practicing okay?” Souji smiled at them. Oh he wished he could just be there and not dealing with everything on his shoulders. He missed the quiet town. 

“If I need help can I call you?”

“Nanako, Souji has to focus on his studies. You can’t bug him too much just because you have a computer now,” 

“No it’s okay, you can call me for help. And if I don’t answer you can email me, okay?” Souji smiled. 

“Hey, don’t take on too much, okay?” Dojima scolded him softly. He may not know who he was, but he felt cared for and loved by them. That even if he wasn’t okay, or wasn’t the best that they would still love him. 

“I won’t,” He would. 

“Okay, how’s school been?” They talked for nearly an hour. Getting to hear about their day to day lives and see them felt good. It took him back to living in Inaba and feeling calm. Feeling like a house was actually a home. It wasn’t a feeling he had when he lived with his parents. Because they moved around far too much.

It was a feeling he tried to replicate in his apartment. That he had a place to call home. That his home was a place that was lived in. A place with nick nacks on the shelves, with school work on the table, and a shelf full of books. 

\--

He didn’t mean to sleep with Sugimura. It had just sort of happened. They had been hanging out in the other’s apartment. They had been making out on his couch. Because what was a little bit of kissing between friends. And Sugimura ran a hand up Souji’s skirt. And normally, he would have stopped him, and told him he wasn’t going to sleep with him.

But he didn’t. 

They didn’t have a label, a word for what they were or were doing. It was somewhere between friends with benefits and friends that had sex. Which felt like two different things. But not two different things at the same time. 

Like Souji and Yuko. 

Two different things, two of the same things. 

But he liked the way the other made him feel. 

Souji liked the way the other undressed him. Peeled back the layers of clothes, his disguise, his other self. But he didn’t pull away all the layers. Didn’t dig into the parts of Souji that he hid from Sugimura. 

But it felt like he was seen in a way that others didn’t see him. 

Sugimura kissed along his shoulders. Down his back and in ways Souji had never been kissed before. He touched him, in ways and places that he’d only ever touched himself. He opened him up and connected with him in a way he hadn’t with anyone else before. 

Souji was laid back against the other’s pillows. His legs spread, hooked over Sugimura’s arms. His long curls trapped under him, and spread over the pillows. He was exposed and open to Sugimura. 

“You’re so sexy you know that?” His brown eyes drank in Souji’s body. 

“Shut up,” Souji replied. Though his red felt hot, well hotter than it was before. His body was hot and flush as the other spread his legs and thrust into him. He gasped and groaned as the other just kept thrusting into him. His hands grabbed onto the bed spread. 

Sugimura had more experience with sex. Not sex with men specifically, but he didn’t really ask for a detailed history from the other. He knew, there were others that Sugimura had been with. But they were safe. And Sugimura seemed comfortable enough to guide him through anal sex. And it felt good. 

God did it feel good. 

Souji’s toes curled and he tensed his legs around the other’s arms. He knew that he wasn’t going to last much longer. 

“Can you take some more baby girl?” Sugimura dropped his legs. He leaned forward, pressing his hands into the bed. Souji let go of the bed spread to grab onto the other’s arms. 

“Yeah,” His voice was breathy. It felt too good. It felt hot, he felt too much. The other thrust harder, and deeper into him. Souji closed his eyes tight, and he just let himself feel. Feel pleasure, feel too stimulated, feel too tight around the other. 

Sugimura bit and kissed at his lips. Whispering filthy words and praise to him. There was no attempt to stifle his voice. Souji’s moans got louder and needier. And Sugimura just kept thrusting, and kissing, and praising him. Souji dug his nails into the other’s arms, and his body got tense and tight as he came.

He feels tense and relaxed at the same time. And the other keeps thrusting into him. Kissing him and whispering to him. It took several moments, before the other threw his head back, and his sweaty hair out of his eyes. There’s something warm spreading inside of him, but it’s kept from making a mess by the condom. 

Souji wonders what it would feel like to have the other’s cum spread inside of him, as Sugimura withdraws from him. 

They lay beside each other for a bit, catching their breath. After a few minutes, Souji gets up, to clean up. His hips and legs are sore. Not sore enough that he can’t get up and walk. But it’s uncomfortable. Sugimura follows him into the bathroom a few moments after. He tosses the condom into the garbage as Souji washes the semen off his stomach and chest.

Souji wipes the running make up from under his eyes, as Sugimura kisses along his shoulders and runs his fingers through his curls. 

“Are you going to stay the night?” 

There’s a part of him that wants to. Wants to let the other hold him through the night. But Sugimura doesn’t know him. He just knows Yuko. 

He is unknowable. Even to himself. 

“No, I should get going if I’m going to catch the train,” His make-up is tidy enough to catch the late train home, no one is going to be looking close enough at him. Everyone will be exhausted or drunk on the train. 

“Let me give you money for a cab,” Souji doesn’t like taking money from Sugimura. But his hips are sore, and he has to get up early tomorrow. He has to review notes for class and pack lunch still. 

“I’ll pay you back,” He turns his head enough that the other can kiss him. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’d rather you just get home safe,” 

Souji is unknowable. But he wishes that Sugimura could know him. 

\--

It was an innocent enough text. A text he had sent several times to the other before. He just asked what Sugimura was doing that night. Seeing if he wanted to spend some time together that evening. 

Souji had been feeling restless after class. He felt wound tight and stretched thin from school. And he just wanted to go out and relax a bit. Maybe go dancing, maybe go shopping. Just step out of his skin for a bit. 

_‘Can’t I have to meet with my fiance tonight.’_

Souji reads the message. Again and again. It makes his stomach churn and twist. It makes him feel light headed and sick to his stomach. Since they had been making out, and getting to know each other. Since they had been getting to know each other and - 

And they had been sleeping together. 

Since he was starting to feel safe with him. 

It hurt, in a way he hadn’t expected. Like a betrayal he hadn’t known could happen. 

Did he have a right? To feel this betrayed? He had never asked much about Sugimura, it seemed only fair that he not get to know the other. Since he kept so many secrets from him. Since Souji wasn’t even Souji with him. 

_‘Okay. That didn’t sound good. It’s an arranged marriage.’_

It still didn’t sound particularly good to him. He gripped the phone tightly, looking down at it. Trying to figure out what he wanted to say to the other. He didn’t know what to say, the other was engaged and he just a play thing. 

Rationally, he knew that was all it was. But it was different to feel it. 

_‘Can I explain? In person?’_

His head felt too full. And it all felt like too much. This was supposed to be fun. And not serious. This was supposed to be an escape from everything, and now it didn’t feel like it. 

Souji only messaged back saying that he needed some time. And he ignored Sugimura’s texts. 

He wasn't sure if he was going to message the other again.

\--

But he did. It was a few weeks later, but he agreed to meet up with the other again. He went to the other's apartment. Souji sat on the arm of the sofa, staring at the other.

His mood was stormy, he wasn't certain that he wouldn't leave in the middle of the conversation. This was supposed to be fun, and now there was an air of complication and he wasn't sure he wanted that complication. 

He wore a black high low skirt, a wide necked shirt, his hair in a braid and a deep purple lipstick.

Sugimura looked like a tool, wearing his designer jeans and designer v neck shirt. His hair was tousled from running his hand through it. He paced a bit under Souji's cool stare. He wasn't wearing his stupidly expensive watch. 

He looked very kissable.

"Why didn't you tell me? Before I started sleeping with you?" Souji asked.

"Because I wasn't engaged then. To be honest I'm not sure I even am anymore," He stopped pacing, and stood in front of Souji. His hands twitched, used to being on Souji's body and not kept to themselves. But he tucked them into his pockets, respecting that Souji was still annoyed with him.

"When did you find out?" 

"A few days before," 

"Oh," It took a lot of the anger away. That Sugimura wasn't hiding something important like that away from him. Knowing the other wasn't sleeping and playing around with him while he was engaged. "Why do you think you're not engaged anymore?" 

"It was her Father's idea. And he passed away recently. Without him pushing for the marriage it's not likely to happen," He sighed and pushed his hair out of his face. "It was a good match politically for my family, but I don't think my dad was all that invested in it," 

"Okay," 

"Okay? You're going to trust me? Just like that?" Sugimura looked at him, tilting his head to the side. Souji realized that he wasn't used to others trusting him. It made his heart ache, but he pushed that feeling aside.

"Do you not want me to?" 

"I want you to trust me," 

"Then I will. Just be honest with me," Souji motioned for the other to close the gap between them. Hands found his sides, and he gently held Sugimura's face. He kissed him softly, missing the feel of the others warm lips against his. 

"Are you sleeping with anyone else?" Souji asked, his lips still rested against the others. 

"No it's just you," Sugimura's lips replied.

"Same. For me. It's just you," Sugimura kissed him again, softly, before leaning back. 

"I have a gift you you," 

"You didn't have to buy me something because I was mad," 

"I bought it before that. Wait here, and close your eyes," Sugimura kissed him on the forehead before stepping away. Souji closed his eyes and pulled himself up to sit on the arm of the sofa. 

He didn't know how he felt, letting the other buy him things. It felt different from letting the other pay for things when they went out. Sugimura paid for drinks and meals, and the occasional taco fare home for Souji when it was late. But a physical object, it felt different. 

He listened to the other walk back from his room, and a box being set on the floor. 

"Don't open your eyes, not yet," 

Souji didn't, but he jumped a bit when the other pulled one of his shoes off. 

"Please don't put your dick between my feet. I'm not into that,"

"I'm not doing anything gross to your feet," Sugimura's laughter was amused and musical. Souji liked the sound, like sweet bells ringing. His other shoe was slipped off and set aside. 

Sugimura held his calf and slid something onto his foot. He tried to flex his foot, but he couldn't. Was this what he thought it was? Sugimura slid the same thing on his other foot and Souji's heart felt like it was caught in his throat. 

"You can look," Sugimura's hands ran up his legs as he stood up. Souji looked down at his feet. The shoes were black, shiny and round toed. He tilted his foot to the side and saw the heels on the shoes. They were beautiful shoes. They made his heart ache because he loved them. They were beautiful but he couldn't wear them. 

"I'm too tall for heels," his voice was small and soft. He didn't want to give them up. 

"You're not. Give me your hands," Sugimura took his hands and helped him stand up. The heels made a satisfying clicking sound against the hardwood. He wobbled a bit, before finding his balance, his hands gripped tightly on the others. They made him several centimetres taller, and he loved how they looked and felt. It hurt too much. 

"Look at me," grey eyes looked up at brown eyes. Sugimura was still a few centimetres taller than him. An arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him a step closer, enough to close the gap between them. Souji pressed his face into the other's shoulder and closed his watery eyes.

"You're not too tall. You'll never be too tall," A hand pressed firmly into his back, the other held his hand tightly, Souji squeezing to try and hold everything in and hold himself together. 

"You're allowed to have the things you want. You know. It doesn't hurt anyone if you want to be tall and pretty,"

And tears he held back for years fell. He cried for all the things he wanted and wanted to do or be since he was a child that he hadn't been able to have. Because he was a good child, a quiet child, and a mature child. 

He cried for himself, and Sugimura kept his arm tight around him.

\-- 

Souji didn’t know who he was. He wanted to know who he was. Was he Yuko? Was he Souji? Was he someone in between?

Could he be both? 

Could he be selfish at times, and selfless? Could he be reliable and dishonest at the same time? 

Or was it just something he was sometimes? Was he sometimes just a mess that wanted to cry when someone did something kind for him? Or was he using his ability to push past his feelings to be a reliable person? 

He didn’t know. 

He didn’t feel like he was being his true self, in either area of his life. He felt like he had failed, himself and others. For not knowing who he really was.

He wished he could have faced himself, a shadow version of himself, to discover who he was. 

Would his shadow have been some form of Yuko? Or would it have been a small and scared child? 

It wasn’t that he doubted his friends faced hardships when they faced themselves. He had been there, and helped them through it. But he wanted it, because he wanted to know who he was. And how to fit all the parts of himself together. 

The scared part of him. The wild and free part of him. And the quiet, good and mature part of him.

\-- 

Souji liked laying next to Sugimura. He laid on his side and held Souji's hand. He kissed him softly and brushed the loose strands of hair out of his face. 

He liked being next to the other, naked or clothed. 

"Are you a woman?" It wasn't a judgemental question. It was a curious question. The night the other had given him heels had changed something between them. Changed their relationship from one undefined to another kind of undefined. 

Souji blinked softly at the other mind still hazy from his orgasm, trying to find a way to explain who he was and why he did this. Why he needed Yuko, and to be Yuko from time to time. Without giving away too much.

"If it's who you are, and you want the surgery, I'll pay for it," the other kissed his lips softly.

"Why would you do that?" 

"I want you to be happy," It was sweet, it was kind, and it was an uncomplicated answer. 

"I'm not a woman. I just like looking different and feeling different," He kissed the other's cheek. "Clothes are just clothes, they have no gender, these clothes are my clothes," 

"Okay," Sugimura ran his fingers through his hair. Through the soft curls of the wig. "You said before, it was to escape. To be a different version of yourself right?" 

"Yeah," 

"So I don't know all of you then," 

"You don't," 

"Can I? Get to know all of you?" Sugimura asked.

"No," He liked Sugimura like this. With warm brown eyes, and messy hair. Who looked at him and tried to see him who wanted to see him and understand him. Who looked at him and saw the cracks and imperfections he tried to hide. Someone who didn't think those things made him less desirable as a person. But Souji wasn't ready. 

"I don't know what parts of me are real or not," 

"Are you scared?” Sugimura ran a hand through Souji’s hair. Souji nodded softly. 

“What if I’m unknowable?”

“That’s okay.” He kissed him softly. After a moment he laid down and pulled Souji close. And Souji felt it, that it was okay. That he could be okay.

\--

"Hey Partner you got a girlfriend or something?" 

Yosuke had spent the night at his place. It wasn't often they visited each other and they had lost track of time the night before. And Souji had been prepared, just in case this happened. He had packed away Yuko in a box in his closet. Clothes folded neatly, his make up moved from the bathroom, and his wings bagged, all packed into a box. 

Yosuke had been looking for a shirt to borrow in his closet, and now he was standing in his kitchen, holding a pair of shoes.

The painfully beautiful black heels. 

There was a tight clench in his chest. From the insinuation that they might be shoes that belonged to someone else. That they shouldn't belong to him. That he shouldn't be wearing them, with Sugimura's hands running over his smooth thighs and kissing him. 

"They are mine," Soujo blinked at the other, and wondered how he was going to respond. 

"Okay dude. I get it I'd you don't want to talk about it," Yosuke laughed, bright, loud, and carefree. He set the shoes down on the table. 

Yosuke thought it was a joke. And Souji didn't know if he was relieved to not have to explain something he didn't fully understand, or annoyed that his friend didn't take him seriously. He felt a bit of both of he was honest.

"Though I didn't think a girl that wears shoes like that would be your type," 

Did he have a type? If he did, was it someone like Sugimura? Someone who could have anything he wanted. Someone relentless in their pursuit of what they wanted. a person that could say the filthiest things with a straight face, but also capable of some of the kindest of gestures. 

Was his type rich playboy that dressed like a tool, fucked him roughly, held him sweetly, and tried to understand him, but accepted when Souji couldn't explain?

"Oh?" 

"Yeah. Not that I'm judging, just thought you'd like your girls a bit more down to earth," 

"Guess I have different tastes," Souji chuckled a bit, not sure if he would call Sugimura down to earth. 

He wasn't even sure what to call what Sugimura and him were. They existed somewhere between friends and lovers, as something undefined. And Souji prefered it that way. It was like him, something vague and undefined.

"Come on, let's go get breakfast before you catch the train," 

Souji left the shoes on the table. Out and in the open. It felt right, not hiding parts of himself away. Letting them stay out in the open. He couldn't wait to get home and unpack that part of himself from the closest. 

To have all of his shoes lined up neatly in his closest. To have all of his clothes hung together. To have his makeup in his bathroom where it belonged for getting ready. And to have his wings on display, to be looked over and chosen with care. 

He didn't want to hide parts of himself away.

\--

Souji couldn't find the words to describe what Sugimura was to him, or what he was to the other. 

Over the past several months things had changed. This wasn't just about having fun, or making out in the corner of a club, or having his legs thrown over the others shoulders. 

Now, he can just visit with the other. To lay and relax with Sugimura on the couch, eat dinner with him and to just spend time with him to get away from everything else for a while. 

"Do you ever want to run away?" Sugimura asked, playing with his hair. They had been watching a movie. Well at the very least a movie was playing quietly on Sugimura's large television. The other seemed more interested in playing with his hair, while Souji rested with his head on the other man's chest and his eyes closed. 

He'd worn a pair of leggings and an oversized hoodie. He dressed comfortably, having had a very long week. Souji took the other for a cheap meal and made him buy convenience store snacks before they went back to the other's apartment. 

There was part of him that had sneakily hoped he offended the other's rich boy tastes. And Sugimura had wrinkled his nose at the restaurant at first, but relented since the meal was good.

"Sometimes," Souji didn't open his eyes.

"Let's run away together then," Sugimura kissed the top of his head. 

"Where would we go?"

"America, England, Australia, anywhere you want to go," 

"My English is terrible," 

"I'll teach you," Souji lifted his head and looked at the other. He had a confident grin on his face. He was so cocky and sure of himself. That he could just run away, and take Souji with him. That everything would be okay. That Souji could just walk away from everything and he would be okay. 

“You can be whoever you want then, no hiding,” 

“Sounds nice,” Souji kissed the other softly. And it was a pleasant thing to daydream about. That he could wear whatever he wanted, and study whatever he wanted. That there would be no parental expectations to live up to. 

But he couldn’t. 

He was three years into his medical degree. His parents were already bothering him about getting a summer internship, though he still had a few months left to find one. And he couldn’t just disappear and leave his family behind. He didn’t want to abandon Dojima and Nanako. Or his friends. He loved them. 

“But you won’t,” Sugimura said, and kissed him again. 

“I won’t,” Souji agreed. He kissed the other again, before resting his head on the other’s chest. He closed his eyes softly. 

“Would you let me take you on a vacation sometime at least?” Sugimura chuckled a bit, playing with his hair again. 

“Maybe. You should wait until I spend the night first,” He hadn’t done that yet. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. But Souji hadn’t taken the steps needed to, to be at the point he could spend the night. Sugimura had never seen him without his wig or make up. And Souji wasn’t going to sleep in his wig nor did he want to pack all his make up for the morning after.

But maybe, one day, he would stay the night. 

It might be nice to wake up next to the other. 

\-- 

His mouth was dry and he felt sick. 

Souji knew that one day, he would likely meet the other. But he never thought it would be like this. 

One of his professors had asked him to stop by his office at the end of the day. He wanted to introduce him to someone. A man had walked in, and Sugimura had come in behind him. He looked bored, looked over Souji for a moment before a look of recognition came over his face. 

The conversation had been brief. His professor introduced his friend, a politician that was on the board of directors for a hospital. His professor, a very kind man, had asked the other to meet Souji, as he wanted the man to meet one of his brightest students and suggest him for an internship at the other’s hospital, and if all went well, for placement for his practical. 

The conversation had been brief, but Souji had been given the man’s business card and instructions to mail an applicant to the human resources at the hospital. 

It had been hard to focus, but he managed his way through the conversation. While Sugimura’s brown eyes stared at him. 

Just him. 

Not the pretty and fun Yuko that he’d known for nearly a year. But Souji, the respectable young medical student. 

He’d spent countless nights in the other’s bed, they knew what the other looked like naked. They talked about running away, even though Souji knew he wouldn’t do it. Sugimura just let him be and didn’t expect anything from him. Sugimura who kissed him sweetly, and let him spread his wings and discover things about himself. 

He knew, and Souji didn’t know how to feel about that. He didn’t know if he was ready for that. 

He barely made it halfway down the hall before his phone went off in his pocket. 

_“Did you know who my Father was?”_

Souji blinked a few times at the message, before responding that no, he did not. Sugimura seemed satisfied, despite the fact that Souji had been lying to him about who he was this whole time. 

_“I suppose we should talk.”_

Souji asked for some time to collect himself first. And tucked his phone into his bag. And he headed to the campus library, to spend hours rewriting, colour coding, and labelling his notes. To take his mind off of what just happened to him, and what it was going to mean. 

\--

He kept reading the messages from Sugimura. There were several in the past few weeks. 

Asking if he was okay. If he was ready to talk. Asking him not to ignore the other. Asking him to respond. Messages telling Souji to respond or to pick up the phone.

And Souji ignored them. It was pretty terrible of him to do. He knew that. He knew that he should respond in some way, even just to tell the other he was okay. But he still needed some time. He knew he would have to face this relevention at some point. But he wasn’t ready yet. 

And it was easy to put it off. 

He had school to focus on, with tests coming up and all the studying he had to do. His parents kept calling him as well, asking about his internship prospects. And sending him links to programs to apply to. 

And he felt overwhelmed. If he wasn’t avoiding Sugimura, he would have gone to see the other, or gone out just to get his mind off of everything going on around him.

He felt a bit silly for being stressed out. Had he not gone through enough to know how to handle all the things on his plate? Had he not caught a serial murderer and rescued several people from being kidnapped when he was in high school. 

He had agreed back then to take responsibility for his actions. And here he was running from those responsibilities right now. 

He felt terrible about it. 

But that didn’t mean he picked up the phone. 

\-- 

He knew he was going to have to confront the issue between him and Sugimura. But he hadn’t expected that the other would come to him first. 

He was leaving the university campus nearly two months after they had met in that office. It wasn’t something he could miss. The familiar sleek and expensive car was parked by the gate. Sugimura leaned against the car, wearing a nice black suit. His hair was neat, and his brown eyes searched the crowd. 

For a moment, Souji considered putting his head down and heading back to the school building. But only for a moment, before his grey eyes locked with the others. Sugimura uncrossed his arms and put his hands into his pockets. Sugimura raised an eyebrow at him. As if asking if he was going to come over. 

Other students looked over Sugimura and whispered as they walked past.

It was a tense several moments, before Souji tightened his hold on his bag, and took a step forward. Followed by another and another until he was standing a foot away from the other. 

“Get in the car,” Sugimura said, as Souji stopped in front of him. He had a tense look on his face. “Please,”

“Okay,” 

And he slid into the passenger seat, like he’d done so many times before. But his long hair didn’t get stuck between him and the smooth leather seat. He put his bag into his lap. He felt out of place, sitting in his jeans, t-shirt, and army jacket. But he didn’t think about it for long before the other got into the driver’s seat. 

Souji put on his seat belt before the other started to drive. The other was quiet while he drove, not saying where they were going or what they were doing. He just drove, and looked straight ahead. He watched Sugimura out of the corner of his eye. The other was usually louder, talking, turning the music up, and laughing and telling him some sort of story. 

This was different. 

What was the same, was that Sugimura had worn his gaudy designer watch. Souji reached over and poked the face or it, leaving a fingerprint on the face of it. A simple gesture, he’d done so many times before. Leaving a mark, proof he was there. 

Sugimura looked at him out of the corner of his eyes, the slightest smile on his face. 

“Are you hungry?” 

“I could eat, yeah,” 

“Okay,” Sugimura drove, taking them somewhere to eat. The tension had lessened a bit. That was good. Suji pushed a few buttons on the radio, turning it on and turning the music on low. Just to have some sound to fill the space. So the quiet didn’t feel so deafening. So his heart could dislodge from his throat. 

“Law,” 

Souji looked over at the other when he spoke after a few minutes. 

“I studied law. Corporate law,” 

“Of course you would,” 

“Are you judging me, Doctor?”

“No. It just fits your personality,” Souji chuckled softly, poking at the other’s arm. “Legal corporate tool,” 

“Screw you, you’re bullying me,” Souji laughed, as the other swatted his hand away. “Stop it, I’m driving Yuko,” 

Souji dropped his hands, looking at the other softly. It had been a while since someone had called him that. And he liked it, but- 

“Seta,” He paused for a second. “No Souji. You can call me Souji,” 

“Okay. Souji,” He liked the way his name sounded in the other’s mouth. Soft and warm. A name he’d been called countless times before. But this felt different. Like someone saw all of him. It dislodged his heart from his throat and made his mouth dry at the same time. 

The other parked his car. Souji put his hand on Sugimura’s arm before he could get out of the car. He leaned over and kissed the other softly. Sugimura’s hand cupped his cheek softly, and he kissed him back. It was short, not nearly long enough or passionate enough. But he was okay with that, for now. 

The restaurant was fancy and pretentious. And the Maitre D had a pinched look on his face when he looked over Souji’s outfit. Sugimura waved the man off, giving him a fair amount of money so they could get in and get a more secluded table. 

They had a nice meal, Souji didn’t know what to eat, so he just took Sugimura’s suggestion. The food was good, and they talked about things they probably should have discussed before. He learned about Sugimura’s family, and told him about him. They discussed what they were studying, and where they had gone to high school. 

Things they would have talked about in the beginning of their friendship, if it had started normally. 

Friendship though, didn't really feel like the correct term for what they were. 

Sugimura drove him home. And when he stopped the car he looked over at Souji, who didn't get out of the car right away. 

"I'm sorry," His eyes welled up a bit. "I shouldn't have kept this all from you for so long," 

"It's alright," 

"It's not. it was selfish," Souji replied, wiping the tears that threaten to fall out of his eyes. Sugimura grabbed his face and kissed him softly. 

"It's okay to be selfish sometimes," Sugimura didn't wipe his tears away. He pressed his forehead against Souji's. And a flood gate opened and he cried. 

Cried for all the things he never got to have, and never got to want. Because he had been so focused on not being selfish, and not putting his needs first. And here was someone, giving him permission to want and need things. 

Souji wasn't sure how long he cried. Holding onto the other's shirt, while Sugimura just held his face. Keeping him grounded as he let out tears of sadness and frustration. 

Sugimura had probably seen him cry more than anyone else had. 

When his tears finally stopped, Sugimura kissed him again. Softly, sweetly. Before pulling back. 

He pulled out a tissue and wiped Souji's face gently. 

"Feel better?" 

"A bit," 

"Want me to come up and keep you company?" 

"I can't. I have tests," 

"Okay. Call me if you need a break," 

Sugimura kissed him again, and again. For several minutes. Before Souji finally got out of the car. His face was still red as he waved the other off. 

But he did feel a bit better, now that they had talked about everything. He felt seen. He felt known.

\-- 

"When I first met you, you were a shiny new toy for me to play with," 

Souji was tired. Exams were over, he had written his last test of the term that morning. Results would be posted in a few days. It had been a long year, and he was physically and emotionally exhausted. 

He was sitting on Sugimura's couch. Having made the other pick him up after he'd gone home and changed. He didn't dress up, he was just wearing a pair of joggers and a t-shirt. They had gotten beef bowls and ate at the other's apartment. 

"Are you trying to annoy me?" Souji asked, but didn't move for the arm of the couch he was laid against. 

"Maybe. You were just so new and different. And really hot," 

"You told me if I went home with you, you'd wear me like a crown," 

"And I meant it," Sugimura laughed. Loud and unashamed of himself and his filthy mouth. "You telling me no only made me angry and hornier for you," 

"Stop being gross," Souji wrinkled his nose at the other. 

"And when you finally let me fuck you-" 

"I cant believe I slept with you," 

"It was so good. I was sure I was going to get addicted to fucking you," 

"If you keep being gross, I'm going to leave you," Souji shoved the other's leg with his foot. "Do you have a point or are you just being a tool like normal?" 

Sugimura grabbed his foot to stop Souji from kicking him. He licked his lips and pulled Souji down the couch. 

"I had a point, but you're bullying me so maybe I won't tell you now," Souji smiled a bit, pulling his foot away. He sat up and moved a bit closer to the other. 

"Tell me," 

Sugimura wrinkled his nose a bit, before leaning in and kissing Souji. 

"You were just supposed to be something fun, but I think I'm in love with you," 

Souji blinked softly at the other. That was certainly not what he had been expecting the other to say. But it made his heart hammer in his chest and his face warm. Sugimura's brown eyes were focused on him not and he held his face still, not letting him look away. 

"Since when?" 

"Since I gave you your heels," Sugimura shook his head. "Maybe before that, but that's when I realized I'd give you anything to make you happy," 

"You barely knew me," 

"I know. And I was desperate to know more about you. But you always were half way out the door at all times. I couldn't push or you might be gone forever," 

"I'm sorry about that," 

"Don't be. I understand why now. You were scared and figuring things out for yourself," Sugimura ran his hands through the other's hair and smiled at him. 

"I still don't really know all those things, who I am and what I want," 

"That's alright too." Sugimura sat back against the arm of the couch, pulling Souji in with him and on top of him. Souji’s head tucked under his chin, and he laid against the other. Sugimura’s arms wrapped around him. 

He didn’t have all the answers to all of his problems, but it was there, and he’d be okay. 

\-- 

Souji didn’t see Sugimura often over the summer break. He was busy with his internship placement. He had accepted the offer that his Professor had set up for him. He worked in a few different departments over the four weeks, following Doctor’s around, and helping with busy work like paper work and transcribing notes. 

It was a good experience. And did help solidify that he did want to be a doctor, even if his parents were still pushing for him to become a surgeon, which he wasn’t sure he wanted to do. But he still had time to figure that out. To figure out how to navigate having that conversation if the time came. 

But for now, he was more concerned with immediate matters. He had the weekend off, before classes started back up. And there was something he wanted to do. 

Sugimura was coming to his apartment. 

It was the first time he was going to have someone come into his apartment without putting anything of his away. 

His home was whole. Was him. And without anything hidden. 

“It’s different than I expected,” Sugimura said as he took his shoes off. 

“Not everyone can afford a penthouse apartment,” 

“Not like that, I guess I didn’t think it would have such an open floor plan,” He put his shoes on the rack in the clothes, Beside Souji’s. All of his shoes. His runners, his dress shoes, his flats and his heels. 

“You can snoop, I know you want to,” Sugimura gave him a grin, and started to do so. He started in the kitchen, peeking through the cupboards and the fridge. He seemed surprised that Souji cooked, and Souji agreed to cook for him sometime. 

He looked through the bookshelves in the living room, looking through the titles of his book collection. The odd collection of fiction and nonfiction books rested on shelves with his school textbooks. Sugimura was amused by the collection of various cats, little figures, knitted and stuffed cats. And the various trinkets that littered the shelves, things from Inaba, and gifts from his friends. 

Sugimura more than happily looked through the bathroom. Looking over his toiletries like they held some kind of secret about Souji. He dug through his cosmetics, pulling out several lipstick colours he deemed his favourites, and setting them apart from the others. 

The bedroom was a hurdle for Souji. The last time someone had been in his room, they’d discovered something he wasn’t ready to talk about or to face.

But with Sugimura he could do it. He could open that door and let the other in. 

He sat on the bed, watching the other look around. 

Sugimura ran his hand over the smooth desk. He opened the dresser drawers, finding that Souji’s clothes weren’t separated. He had his femmine clothes in with his masculine clothes. In every drawer. From his pants and shirts to his socks and underwear. 

He ran his fingers through the long wefts of wigs. Each sitting on a display on top of his dresser. And he laughed a bit at the Jack Frost and Pumpkin Jack plushes that also sat on there. 

He looked through the closet, looking through jackets, dresses, and clothes too nice to be folded and put away. Sugimura commented that he needed to get Souji a few more dresses, and maybe a few sexy things to wear. Just for them. 

“I don’t know where I’m going to keep all the things you want to buy me,” Souji laughed. Sugimura smiled and closed the closet, before crossing the room. He leaned down, taking Souji’s face in his hands. His breath was warm against Souji’s skin, it made him shiver a bit. But he kept his eyes locked with Sugimura’s, and put his hands over the other’s.

“Thanks for letting me come in. I know it wasn’t easy for you,” 

“It was easier because it was you,” Not just letting the other into his apartment, or into his life. But learning and exploring himself. It was easier with someone who didn’t know him, or have expectations of him. 

“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,” 

“I’m pretty sure that I love you too,” Souji replied, and pressed his lips against the other’s. He wrapped his arms around Sugimura’s shoulders and helped lead him to sit on the bed beside him. 

It had been a while, since they had slept together. Not since they met in his professor’s office a few months ago. But he remembered what it felt like to be touched by Sugimura. His mouth fit painfully well against Souji’s. He kissed with desire, pushed his mouth hard against Souji’s and bit at his lips. His hands ran up Souji’s sides and pulled at his shirt. Trying to pull him in and pull him closer. 

A want and desire pooled in him. As he wrapped his arms around Sugimura's shoulders. Sliding in closer to his body, until they were pressed together. Sugimura's arms wrapped around his torso, and tugged at the back of his shirt. Like any distance between them, even just the clothes separating their bodies was too much.

Hands pulled at Souji's hips, leading him into the other's lap. He draped his arms down the others back, as Sugimura's hands slid up the back of his shirt. The touches made him shiver as they ran up his spine. 

A low whine left him as they pulled apart, long enough for both of their shirts to be pulled off and tossed aside. Sugimura laughed, wrapping his arms around Souji and pulling him down. He laid back on the bed, Souji's hands pressed into the bed spread as he leaned in and kissed him. 

There was the temptation, in both of them, to take things slowly. To explore every inch of the other's skin with hands and lips. But there was a need and want growing to hurry. Because it had been a while. 

Souji wanted it, ached for Sugikura to be inside of him. 

With one hand he fumbled a bit, undoing Sugimura's jeans and pushing his hand down the other's pants. Souji groaned when his hand wrapped around the other's cock. Sugimura made a pleased noise into Souji’s mouth as he stroked him. Hands slid down Souji’s back and squeezed his ass. 

“You have too much clothing on,” Souji whined into the other’s mouth.

“I’m not the only one,”

Sugimura rolled them, So Souji was laying on his back. He kissed down Souji’s torso, hands undoing Souji’s jeans and starting to pull them down his hips. 

Souji vaguely wondered how thin his walls were, until Sugimura started to kiss along the waistband of his briefs. It took a bit of work, Sugimura on his knees between Souji’s legs, to get his jeans and briefs off. 

His kisses were littered across Souji’s thigh as the other guided one leg over his shoulder. Soujis body got hot and his cock jerked as the other spread his cheeks. He was long over being embarrassed to be seen by the other. Especially since Sugimura seemed to worship the sight of his body exposed. 

“Where’s your lube?” It took Souji a moment to tear himself away from the enjoyment of his legs being spread and his skin being kissed. The other chuckled against his skin. 

“In the night stand,” Souji pointed and the other leaned over to grab it. It took him a moment for the other to fish out the bottle from the nightstand, as well as a condom for himself. He kissed along Souji’s thigh as he opened the bottle and spread the lube over his fingers.

Souji gasped as the other slid his fingers inside of Souji. There was a nice burn from the stretch, but it felt good. He missed it, the feel of the opening him up. AndSouji’s leg wrapped a little tighter around Sugimura’s shoulder. 

“You’re always so sexy like this,” Sugimura kissed against his thigh, and nipped the soft skin. His fingers pressed into his prostate every once in a while, alternating between stretching Souji open and pleasing him. It made Souji whine with desire. Despite having discussed a lot of things and opening up to each other a lot over the last little while, he had missed the physical closeness they had enjoyed before. 

It wasn’t that he hadn’t wanted to sleep with Sugimura, but in the back of his mind, there was a fear. That now that the other knew more about him, there wasn’t going to be the desire to sleep with him anymore. That he wasn’t something new and novel in Sugimura’s life anymore. 

But looking down, the other’s brown eyes drinking in his body, watching his mouth kiss along his skin, and seeing the focus the other put into opening him up, erased all those fears. Sugimura’s mouth and eyes burned with a desire that pulled back all those fears in the back of his mind. 

“I’m ready,” 

Because he wanted nothing more than to feel the other inside of him, because his fingers didn’t feel like enough. And because he didn’t want to get too sensitive inside, and cum before the other started to fuck him really well. 

“Yeah?” Sugimura bit his thigh, he was going to leave a bruise. To remind Souji that he had been there. 

“I’m not going to beg for it,” 

“It wouldn’t be the first time you did,” He chuckled. But the fingers slid out of him. Souji propped himself up on his elbows, watching the other pull his pants and briefs down just enough to pull his cock free. The sight made him shiver slightly, knowing how good he’d feel once the other was inside him. He watched Sugimura tear the package open and roll the condom down his shaft. Watched him rub more lube along the condom, before getting up on his knees. 

“You’re seducing me with your eyes,” 

“Am I?” Souji wet his lips with his tongue as the other lifted and spread his legs. The other grinned at him before starting to push inside of Souji. It felt tight, not painfully, but in a way that made him press his head back into the bed and tangle his fingers into the bed spread. 

“Fuck, you feel good baby girl,” He pushed slowly, lifting his legs back and spreading them more. It felt like it took too long and not long enough for the other’s hips to press against his skin, and Souji was gasping already. Sugimura was once fully inside of him. Giving Souji a moment to adjust. 

“Can I still call you that?” It took Souji a moment to realize that the other hadn’t called him that since he found out. Did he still want to be called that? 

“Yes. you can,” Because it didn’t sound like a judgement, or he was taunting Souji when he said it. He liked it when the other called him that. And while things were different, now that they weren’t keeping secrets anymore, it didn’t change that Souji still liked being called the various pet names the other had given him. 

It was a few moments of stillness, before Sugimura started to thrust in and out of him. Slow at first, gentle. Like he was treasuring this moment. 

But as Souji’s voice got louder and more desperate, the pace increased. Sugimura swore and whispered filthy and loving things to him. Both of them wanted to be closer, to be intimate. And the desire mixed with the long period of time they hadn’t slept together and a bit of desperation to feel closer. 

Sugimura could make love to him sweetly later, but right now he wanted it just like this. Feeling hands gripping the back of his thighs tightly, sweat running down his back, and Sugimura’s intense eyes looking down at him, and dirty things being said to him. 

Souji didn’t care about how thin his walls might be when he came, crying out and pulling on the bedspread. He didn’t care if his neighbors heard Sugimura cursing as he fucked him through his own orgasm. 

The only thing he cared about was how Sugimura pulled him off the bed, into his lap, and into a devouring kiss. 

\--

Souji stood on the other’s balcony. It was a cool evening, and he felt at peace. His long hair blowing in the wind, wearing a long t-shirt and a pair of leggings. Sugimura was ordering food inside for them. Out here, up here, it was quiet. All the stress of life, expectations of him, and worries felt so far away. 

He wasn’t running away from them, but he needed a break once in a while. And it felt good to have a place to escape from everything once in a while. 

“Thinking too hard out here?” Sugimura’s arms wrapped around his waist, and put his chin on Souji’s shoulder. 

His peace wasn’t this place, this apartment high above the rest of the city. It could be anywhere, as long as he had Sugimura there with him. 

“Just admiring the view,”

“You are the view,” 

Souji turned and kissed the other on the cheek. This was nice, good, he could just enjoy the moment. And enjoy himself. 

“Thank you,” 

“For what? For Dinner? For the lingerie? For the orgasms I’m going to give you tonight?” Sugimura chuckled a bit. Sugimura was a tool, but he loved him nonetheless. 

“For being you. And being here,” Sugimura kissed him softly on the neck. He had given into his parents wants, and was going to become a surgeon. His parents were quite happy with his decision, because they got their way. 

He hadn’t unlearned all of his people pleasing tendencies. Nor did he think he ever would. But Souji was okay with that. Because he knew that he was allowed to take up space, and exist as he was.

And if Sugimura was with him, he’d be okay. 

\-- 

Epilogue.

Driving to Inaba was different. He usually took the train, but Sugimura wanted to drive out. The drive was nice, and he got to sleep for a bit. He was going to start his practical years in medical school in a week. He’d finished his exams and was accepted to do his practical years at the hospital he’d interned at the summer before. 

The past year had been good. Dating Sugimura was good. He was still a rich tool sometimes, but he loved him nonetheless. It wasn’t always easy, both were busy people, Souji with his studies and Sugimura with work and his family. But they made time. 

“Are you sure you want them to meet me?” 

“Of course,” Souji smiled a bit reaching over to take his hand. “They are my family,” 

“Yeah but I’m objectively kind of an asshole,” 

“You are. But I love you,” 

He pointed out sights as they drove through Inaba. The shopping district, the shrine, The Amagi Inn, the river path, and the direction to his old high school. It wasn’t long before they pulled up outside of the Dojima residence. 

He had told his Uncle he was coming out to visit for a few days, and that he was bringing his partner with him. There had been a quiet moment between the two of them on the phone, before Dojima had cleared his throat and said that he would like to meet Soouji’s partner very much and that he was happy that Souji was with someone he cared about. 

Souji had made sure to clarify that he was bringing a male partner, just to ensure it was okay. And Dojima had only reiterated that he was happy Souji was with someone he cared about. 

Sugimura turned off the car but left the keys in the ignition. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” 

“Yes. Besides we’re already here,” 

“I mean I can go stay at an Inn and drive home in the morning,” 

“Look my Uncle may be a cop but he’s not that scary. He might interrogate you a bit, But Nanako will make him stop,” Souji laughed a bit and gave his hand a squeeze. “Come on, let's go in,” 

The outside of the house was as it always was. A small town house and a few stray cats hanging around the front. Someone had been feeding them, probably Nanako. He walked up the path and fished the house keys out of his pocket. He still had the key to the home.An older key with a shiny new one dangling next to it. 

He opened the door and let them in. It smelt like it always had. Like coffee, a bit stuffy and a most of all, like a home. 

“I’m home,” Souji called out, taking off his shoes. The patting of socked feet came quickly, with a cry of “big bro!”

Nanako crashed into his body, giving him a tight hug. She’d gotten taller, and her hair longer. But she was still the same sweet and kind girl. Maybe a bit more loud and expressive than before. 

“I missed you!” 

“I missed you too,” He hugged her tightly, watching Sugimura take his shoes off carefully out of the corner of his eyes. Dojima’s heavier foot falls came to the entryway of the house. Souji didn’t let go of his niece but he looked up and smiled at his uncle. 

“Welcome home,” He looked the same, though a little less tired than when he had spent the year with them. 

“Thanks,” 

“How was the drive up?” 

“Good, the weather was good. Though I did sleep part of the way. Sugimura had to listen to me snore,” He chuckled, and Nanako’s grip on him finally loosened a bit. She peaked around him to get a look at the other. More curious than shy. 

“You don’t snore though,” Nanako replied. 

“He doesn’t,” Sugimura agreed, only to get a nod from Nanako. 

“Dojima, Nanako, this is Sugimura, my partner,” Souji reached back to take a hold of his arm, guiding him up to his side. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Sugimura bowed slightly, before reaching out to shake Dojima’s hand. 

“You too,” Dojima gave his hand a firm shake before letting it go. Sugimura held out his hand to Nanako, who shook it as well. 

“What about Yosuke? Isn’t he your partner? Do you have two partners?” 

“No no, Yosuke’s a friend, that’s a different kind of partner. Sugimura is my boyfriend,” Nanako blinked up at him and nodded. 

“Okay, I wasn’t sure about Yosuke. Dad explained that you and Sugimura are dating,” She smiled up at him. “I’m happy that you’re happy,” 

“Thank you,” 

“Come on, let’s get out of the entryway and sit down. I got dinner on the way home,” 

The four of them walked into the house. Sugimura, who was usually loud and obnoxious, was polite and respectful to his family. It felt a bit like he was desperate to make a good impression on his family. It was sweet to see.

Dojima had gotten sushi for dinner. And the four of them sat around the table in the living room to eat. They chatted about school and work. Dojima occasionally started to grill Sugimura about various things. His job, his family, his intentions for Souji. More than once Nanako had to remind him that that wasn’t polite. The television played a quiz show in the background as they visited. Nanako made plans to take them shopping and come with them the next day to see some of Souji’s friends. 

Sugimura had helped him do the dishes after they ate, to the protest of Dojima and Nanako saying that he was a guest. Nanako giggled at them as they pushed each other back and forth lightly. 

They called it an early night, Nanako tired from her excitement, Dojima because he had to work early in the morning, Sugimura from driving all day, and Souji from the end of the school year still. Everyone said their goodnights and headed up stairs. 

Souji’s room was the same as before, The television on one side of the room, the couch on the other. The futon in the corner. Though there was a second foton beside it, with a pillow and a blanket. He shut the door quietly behind them before pulling Sugimura in for a kiss. 

“Don’t get too frisky with me, Souji. I don’t want to scar your little sister,” He teased, wrapping his arms around Souji’s waist. “Not after I worked so hard to make them like me,” 

“You were on your best behaviour, I’m proud of you,” He kissed him again. “Not proud enough to sleep with you in my uncle’s house though,” 

“We could go to the car,” 

“Maybe tomorrow. Sit down, I’ll roll out the futons,” 

A light rain had started to fall, quietly against the window over the evening. He’d spent so many nights worried about the sounds of rain in this room. But despite all that, being back in the room gave him such a sense of comfort. Such a sense of being home. It took him a moment to roll out the futons, and after a moment he stood back up. 

“It’s nice here,” Souji smiled softly at Sugimura. He wasn’t sure how Sugimura would feel about the quiet and sleepy town. But he was glad he enjoyed it. 

“Yeah,” Souji stepped over and wrapped his arms around the other’s shoulders. “Thanks for coming with,” 

“Of course,” Sugimura smiled at him. “Do you think they liked me?”

“They like you,” Souji kissed the other softly. “Let’s go to sleep, okay? We are going to do a lot of walking tomorrow,” 

“Gross, but okay,” 

“Okay,”


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's some more self indulgent antics for Souji/Sugimura. 
> 
> This is for fun since the main story was pretty intense.

His head was pounding, his stomach turning, and he was too hot. Souji felt sticky, sweaty, and gross. 

Hangovers were the worst. 

Souji groaned, shoving Sugimura's arm off of him. He threw the blanket over the other and rolled away from the other. 

"Ugh, good morning sweetheart," Sugimura reached over the blanket to touch his shoulder. 

"Don't touch me, I'm mad at you," Soujo groaned and pressed his face into the fluffy hotel pillow. He wished it was cooler, but at the very least it blocked out the light. 

He didn't remember much of the night before. It was their first night on holiday in Las Vegas. Souji had gotten dressed up, he wore a cute sundress, a pair of leggings, and a pair of wedges that Sugimura loved on him. His wig was long and wild.

What he did remember was Sugimura goading him into doing tequila shots. After four years of being goading into taking shots by Sugimura he should have learned his lesson. 

But this morning was an indication he still hadn't.

"I love you," Sugimura's voice gave away his amusement as he shuffled closer and kissed Souji's bare shoulder. He groaned and rolled over to the other. The pain of the hangover made him want to be cuddled more than his annoyance with Sugimura made him want to ignore him. 

"If you loved me you wouldn't do this to me," He whined as Sugimura stroked his cheek softly. 

"But you're such a fun party girl when you drink tequila," Sugimura kissed his forehead gently. 

"You suck," 

"And you love it," At the very least, Sugimura was talking quietly, to make sure it didn't hurt his head more. Souji appreciated that. 

"Did you take advantage of me?" 

"Of course not, I do remember helping you into a shower. And you have mascara smudges still," he reached over to rub under Souji's eyes softly. He smacked the other's hands away, not caring about the smudging at the moment. 

"Did you brush my wig out?" 

Sugimura shifted, and Souji opened his eyes a bit. At least one of them had the sense to make sure the curtains were closed the night before. That was good. He could blink lazily at the other, with his ridiculous bedhead. 

"Yeah it looks like I bagged her and I wouldn't if I didn't brush it out," 

"Okay, I hate you a little less," 

"Thanks," Sugimura laid back back down beside him. They laid there quietly for a while, souji trying to go back to sleep, but finding it escaping him. 

"What do you want to do today?" Sugimura asked. 

"Relax," 

"We can go down to the pool and relax, that sounds good?" 

"Yeah, it does," 

"Okay," Sugimura stroked his cheek before leaning in and kissing him. He was always particularly sweet when Souji was hung over, because he was not used to it. And quite frankly he could be a bit of a baby when it came to hangovers. And he wanted to fight through it and not waste half of the day laying in bed. But he was having trouble rallying from the night before.

"You breathe is terrible. Get out of my face," Souji tried to push the other's face away, but Sugimura laughed and tried to kiss him again. He rolled over to try to escape, but Sugimura wrapped an arm around his waist. He tried to wiggle away as the other pulled him back. But his head started to spin and a wave of nausea hit him. 

"Let go, I'm going to be sick," the arm was retracted quickly. Souji climbed out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. 

The hotel room was quiet and still for a while. The cool tile on the bathroom floor felt good. It was a few minutes before Sugimura opened the bathroom door. 

"You okay?" 

"Yes," Souji didn't move from the floor. 

"I'm going to order breakfast, what do you want?" 

"Three cups of coffee,"

"I'll get you some toast and bacon too. It'll help. Here wear this if you're going to lay on the floor," Sugimura handed him a tshirt. Sugimura watched as Souji sat up, pulled the shirt on and laid back down. He was more than content to lay on the floor. Sugimura just chuckled at him and walked away, leaving the bathroom door open.

Souji listened to the other move about the hotel room after ordering room service. Likely picking up clothes they had discarded and putting them back into their respective suitcases. He possibly got dressed, but Souji didn't get up to check. 

"Babe, you know where my watch is?" 

"Maybe I finally threw it into traffic," 

"Cute," 

"Did you check my purse from last night? I might have hid it," he didn't remember hiding it, but he also didn't remember showering when they got back to the hotel. 

He listened to the other search for the purse, laughing to himself at drunk Souji's tendencies to make hungover Souji's morning worse. 

"Found it," Souji was about to reply when he heard the other cackle.Souji groaned and rolled onto his side. Footsteps came towards the bathroom and the bathroom light was flicked on. Souji didn't have time to cover his eyes. 

"Why!" 

"We got married last night!" 

"What?" Souji squinted against the bathroom lights, looking up at the things Sugimura was holding out to him. After a moment, he sat up and took the things from the other. He leaned against the bathroom wall, and Sugimura sat down on the floor beside him. 

The first one took him a moment, reading the English marriage certificate that both he and Sugimura had signed. It was definitely his signature.

The next was a photo of them. They were standing in a cheap chapel, complete with a gaudy flowered and neon light arch. There was a man standing behind them as they kissed. As ridiculous as the whole situation was, it was a cute picture. Souji's long hair was pushed back by Sugimura's hand. Souji's hands on his shoulders. A sweet kiss being shared in a ridiculous looking chapel.

The last was a receipt for a wedding dvd, to be mailed out to Souji’s address. 

“I can’t believe we didn’t get married by Elvis,” 

“Yeah, it’s a little disappointing,” Sugimura chuckled a bit. “We should frame this,” Souji chuckled a bit, leaning head on the other’s shoulder. 

“Is it legally binding?” 

“Yeah the marriage is legitimate. We are married in the United States,” 

Souji laughed a bit, looking down at the photo. “I suppose we should get divorced before we leave,” 

“Or we could not,”

“Do you want to be married to me?” 

“Of course, Do you want to be married to me?”

“Yes,” Sugimura chuckled a bit, and kissed Souji on his hair. Souji smiled a bit and held the other’s hand.

“I suppose I should buy us rings then,”

“After we go to the pool,” Souji lifted his head and smiled at the other. 

“Yeah it can wait, not like we’ve done anything in the traditional order before,” They sat quietly in the bathroom, staring at the picture until room service knocked on the door.


End file.
